Monday, July 14, 2014

Witch Rhymes With.....

Published:  June 10th, 2014
Hexed (The Witch Hunter #1)
By: Michelle Krys
Delacorte Press
ISBN-13:  9780385743372

If high school is all about social status, Indigo Blackwood has it made.  Sure, her quirky mom owns an occult shop, and a nerd just won't stop trying to be her friend, but Indie is a popular cheerleader with a football-star boyfriend and a social circle powerful enough to ruin everyone at school.  Who wouldn't want to be her?

Then a guy dies right before her eyes.  And the dusty old family Bible her mom is freakishly possessive of is stolen.  But it's when a frustratingly sexy stranger named Bishop enters Indie's world that she learns her destiny involves a lot more than pom-poms and parties.  If she doesn't get the Bible back, every witch on the planet will die.  And that's seriously bad news for Indie, because according to Bishop, she's a witch too.

Suddenly forced into a centuries-old war between witches and sorcerers, Indie's about to uncover the many dark truths about her life -- and a future unlike any she ever imagined on top of the cheer pyramid.


     This book started out weird, but it had some potential.  The main character, Indigo "Indie" Blackwood, is a beautiful, popular high school cheerleader.  Her biggest problem right now is her competitive frenemy Bianca, who may or may not be attempting to steal Indie's hot footballer boyfriend, Devon.  So when some guy seemingly kills himself and Indie witnesses it, things begin to fall out of wack.  He's holding a paper with the address of Indie's family occult shop on it.  But it doesn't mean anything, right?  Then the family Bible is stolen, and it's up to Indie to retrieve it before there are horrific consequences - like end of the world-type consequences!  It turns out that the Bible holds the key to killing witches, and the sorcerers they are at war with would like nothing more than to unlock the secrets.  Since Indie is apparently a witch, it could be her own life on the line.  With the help of Bishop, a hot and mysterious member of "the Family" (the main Witch community heads of power), and her nerdy neighbor Paige, it's up to Indie to save what's left of her family, her own life and the rest of her race.  Can the three of them do it before it's too late?
     Obvious issues with it, but it doesn't sound like it could be all that bad, right?  WRONG!!!  What starts out with the basic threads to lead into a coherent and more detailed plot, devolves into a complete and total train wreck.  Indie herself displays almost constant stupidity after finding out about the reality of magic, witches and the evil sorcerers after the family Bible and by association, her.  She keeps rushing headlong into dangerous and intense situations, under the guise of stubbornness when really she's just too dumb to reason out a better solution.  Both of the guys Indie is involved with are sexist, asshole pigs.  Devon cheats on her with her "best" friend Bianca, and then has the gall to ask her to go to Homecoming with him, just because they already had plans!  And Bishop, the "mysterious" bad-boy type, is a dickwad to Indie.  He basically talks circles around her, neglects to actually explain anything about being a witch and makes fun of her at every opportunity he gets (for being a cheerleader, her clothes, the way she talks, even the girl her boyfriend chooses over her).  And this d-bag is someone I'm supposed to like?  Not mention his tattoo of naked Betty Boop on his neck.  What a f**king pervert.  The love triangle later on with a girl named JEZEBEL (yes, you read that right! NO SUBTLETY!) just worsens my opinion of all these characters, if you can even call them that.
      The battles with the sorcerer henchmen are a pathetic cluster fuck, and even the scene when SPOILER Indie's mom is put into a movie screen and killed by a savage tiger SPOILER was more of a WTF confusion moment than anything else.  The mythology of the witches was convoluted and attempted some genealogical, DNA explanation that made about zero sense to me (not that I'm all that scientifically knowledgeable - but my 10th grade Bio education calls bullshit on this one).  Also, the revelations about her Mom's witch status and her irresponsible Aunt Penny's, made no sense in the context they were used.  The fact of what Aunt Penny was hiding made no sense - unless she's evil.  Probably what will happen in the next book.  Not to mention, "Hey guys, I know you've been looking for the SPESHUL BIBLE THINGY but it's an EFFING DECOY!!!  The only character I didn't want to drop kick in this book was Paige, who was way too nice to Indie, who was obviously using her for her own gain.  And also, a fucking Jay-Z concert?  Why not just a freaking dinner-movie date?  Or something that was, y'know, in the realm of actual believability?  I'm going to stop here, although the scenes with the magic and their pitiful plotting and description (i.e. next to none) take the cake.  I am only marking this as high as I am because of the fact that I finished it.  Won't be torturing myself further.

VERDICT:  1/5  Stars

**I  received this book from Delacorte Books, on NetGalley.  No favors or money were exchanged for this review.  This book was published June 10th, 2014.**

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