"Once Upon A Time" Episode 4 - The Price of Gold

   So, this episode definitely had A LOT of interesting stuff happen!  Yet another fairy tale origin story, this time Cinderella's.  It was really well done in my opinion and there were a couple of large revelations near the end of the episode.  I also adored the interactions between Emma and Henry - they were pretty awesome.  Also, would you believe I'm not running too far behind this week?  I know, a total miraculous occurrence, but it's because their isn't a new episode until the 27th of November! Without further adieu, the recap. 

Recap:


This weepy looking young girl is sweeping a yard while three women pile into a fancy carriage in front of her to go somewhere she is OBVIOUSLY not invited to.  If this isn't enough of a confirmation of her identity (btw we're in FT World right now), a fairy godmother pops out of thin air and calls her Cinderella.  Oh yeah bitches, it's ON.  FG tells Cindy she's gonna send her to the Ball and change her life for the better.  Then she starts twirling her shiny magic wand around and rhapsodizing about it's awesomeness.  This happens to be cut short when she disappears in a poof of smoke and Rumpy shows up to take the wand!!!  Apparently it was what he wanted.  He basically tells Cinderella that all magic comes with a price and her FG was not there out of the goodness of her heart.  He also says she should just go back to living her life.  But Cindy is desperate by this point due to the craptasticness that is her life and she begs him to help her.  Rumpy warns her that she'll have to give up something 'precious' later.  Of course being the blonde she it, Cindy signs when he hasn't even specified what he wants.  Rumpy transforms her for the Ball into the princess she'll become. 

Really all she needs is a bath, some bleach for her dress and some grit to stand up to the bitches!

In Storybrooke, Henry and Emma are walking to his bustop discussing codenames.  She says he should just call her Emma.  Sheriff Graham shows up and offers Emma a job as his deputy because of how 'impressed' he was with her work finding John Doe.  She waffles around giving an answer, then takes his card and says she'll think about it.  A little later on Emma is at Granny's Diner when EM (Regina) shows up and basically tells her she is threatened by her relationship with Henry anymore.  EM tells her that she knows Emma will just cut and run like usual, all the while having a very smug look on her face.  Emma ends up in the laundry room after spilling hot chocolated on herself and runs into Ashley, who is obviously Storybrooke's Cinderella and is crying.  She is upset because no one thinks she can take care of her baby once it's born.  That's right folks, Cindy is pregnant!  Emma tells her to fight for herself because there aren't any fairy godmothers in this world.  Ain't that the truth!  Mr. Gold is locking up his pawnshop for the night.  Ashley breaks in, looking for something.  Goldy catches her and she pepper sprays him.  He gets knocked out on his way down, so Ashley cuts and runs after taking something from his pocket.  EM is at home the next morning getting ready for a Saturday city council meeting.  She tells Henry he's not allowed to leave the house.  Right after she leaves, he leaves too.  Good for you kid!

Bish please, as if he listens to you still!  Plus, who goes to a city council meeting dressed like THAT?

Mary Margaret makes breakfast for Emma and herself while Emma goes through some of her things.  Goldy shows up asking for Emma's help finding Ashley, stating that she took something valuable from him.  He doesn't want to go to the police and 'ruin' he life.  He gives Emma a major run-around when she asks what Ashley took.  She reluctantly agrees to help, but only for Ashley.  Henry shows up and wants to tag along and hang with Emma cause his Mom is gone all day.  In FT world, Cindy is marrying Prince Thomas with Snow and Charming in attendance!  Snow and Cindy dance together, with Snow telling her what an inspiration she is.  Rumpy shows up and drops a bomb - he wants Cindy's firstborn child to fill his end of the bargain!!!  Presumably in the future Cindy is packing when Thomas happens upon her.  Turns out she was going to leave because she's pregnant.  She tells him about the deal she made with Rumpy, but he tells her their love is real.  He assures he'll they'll get out of it somehow.  Emma and Henry go to ask Ruby questions about Ashley.  She directs them to Ashley's ex-boyfriend/baby-daddy Sean's house where he lives with his Father.

I'm sorry to say that for me, they have nothin' on Snow and Charming.  NOTHIN'.

Sean in Storybrooke is, of course, Thomas from FT world.  He obviously wants to help her find Ashley, but King Daddy won't let him.  It turns out that he thinks Ashley is a bad influence that will drag his son down.  Ummm, might be a little harder to drag him down if he had enough brainpower to use a glove when he loves!!!   King Daddy informs Emma that they made a deal with Mr. Gold for money, in exchange for the baby.  He thought that was why she was finding Ashley for Mr. Gold.  Emma goes back to see Ruby again while Henry purports doom and gloom for breaking a deal with Mr. Gold.  Ruby refuses to talk with Henry around so he leaves the diner, supposedley to go home.  Ruby admits to Emma that Ashley took her car and is running away to Boston so she can disappear with the baby.  Emma leaves to catch up with her and it turns out Henry stowed away in the backseat!  In FT world Charming, Thomas and Grumpy show Cindy the prison they have set up for when they catch Rumpy.   All Cindy has to do is get him to sign a new deal that will freeze him and his magic.  She worries about the price but Thomas says he'll pay it and she agrees.  Emma and Henry find Ashley crashed on the side of the road, ready to give birth.

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present the Queen of Botox!!!

They rush a protesting Ashley back towards the hospital in Storybrooke.  Ashley desperately wants to keep the baby from Goldy and Emma grills her about whether or not she's ready to be a Mother.  She tells Ashely that once she keeps the baby she's with it forever.  Cindy in FT world asks Rumpy for a meeting.  Cindy pretends she found out she's having twins and wants to trade the other one to make the kingdom's land fertile again.  Rumpy is suspicious but in the end his greed wins out.  He signs the contract with the quill and is trapped.  While the Prince is carting him to his prison, Rumpy threatens that he'll have Cindy's baby no matter where she goes to hide.  Emma and Henry are in the hospital waiting room when he tells her once more that she's the only one who can leave town.  Then, the doctor tells them that Ashley and the baby are okay.  Goldy shows up and thanks Emma for returning the merch - cause you know of course that humans are merchandise.  Creeptastic y'all, even for him.  In FT world, Rumpy's in the cart while Cindy and Thomas discuss the baby's name - Alexandra.  He goes to get her water from the well cause she's having pains, but he disappears without a trace.  Rumpy gloats that all magic has a price and says once again that the baby is his. 

All he wants for Christmas is some new front teeth - seriously what is FT world's dentist THINKING?

Emma tells Goldy he's not getting the baby and of course he threatens to sick the police on Ashley.  Cause peeps, it's all about the merch.  Goldy offers to make a deal with Emma and says if she agrees he'll let Ashley have the baby.  Of course he decided to ask for yet another unnamed favor.  Emma stupidly agrees of course.  Like we don't know that's totally gonna come back to bite her in the ass later on!  Emma and Henry visit Ashley and baby Alexandra.  Emma tells Ashley she gets to keep the baby and of course she becomes a human faucet like usual.  Henry and Emma rush to get him home, because they're running low on time.  This apparently has been just one busy day for them y'all.  EM (Regina) is getting dressed after some obvious sexin' at the B&B.  Told ya, city council meeting my ass!  We don't see who she was with, but we find out he left his socks under the bed.  While they drive Henry home, Emma says she wants her code name to be Pumpkin.  Henry says she's not ready for the code name he wants to give her.  Emma tells him that although she can leave she'll see him tomorrow.  Henry makes it into his bedroom right as EM walks in the door.  Ashley gets a surprise visit from Sean and simply says, 'You're back.'  Emma calls Graham and accepts the Deputy gig, while it shows him hanging up and reaching for his socks under the bed!!!  That's right folks, Regina is tapping THAT after all!!!

Ahhh, sigh.  Shirtless Sheriff of my dreams.  But he's with the Evil Witch!  Seriously ABC writers?

That is all for Episode # 4, but this Sunday we get another piece of the puzzle.  It looks as though it mostly revolves around Henry's crazy mischief.  But I hope some of it will be set in FT world like usual.  Those parts are too amusing to be missing!  And on that note, Happy Thanksgiving and I'll see you later.  Welcome to Storybrooke, land of weird y'all!

"Once Upon A Time" Episode 3 - Snow Falls

   So, I'm running a slight bit late posting this recap.  But I didn't want to post it right on top of the one for the second episode.  In this episode, like the last one, some serious stuff happens.  I think the best parts of this episode are in FT world though, because while watching the story of how Snow and the Prince first meet we find out what a naughty, smart-ass she really is!  Plus, the episode starts off in FT world this week!  So, without further adieu here is the recap.

Recap:

This really swanky, Pimp-My-Ride carriage is rolling through the forest when the show starts.  Hmmmm.....wonder who THAT belongs to.  The Prince!  Why am I not surprised?  The Prince is in there with a snotty looking blonde he calls 'my dear.'  My guess is this was pre-Snow White.  A tree is blocking the forest road, so he puts down a pouch that is probably really important and gets out to investigate.  Turns out it was cut down on purpose!  Just as he figures this out a hooded thief grabs the pouch from the carriage and makes a ride for it on their horse.  Prince Butthead manages to knock the thief off the horse and is about to punch 'em when he sees it's a woman!  GASP!  IT'S SNOW WHITE!!!  First meeting of epic proportions!  He hesitates (big DON'T) and she knocks him upside the head with a rock, riding away with his valuables.  The Prince threatens that he will always find her.  Snow's smile is made of awesomeness. 

Are we SURE Emma isn't really her daughter?

Back in Storybrooke MM/Snow is having WAY less luck on the romance front.  She's on a date with a cute doctor who obviously is a creep and spends the entire time ogling the diner waitress (Ruby/Red).  MM is on her way home when she finds Emma in her parked car.  Since she decided to stay, MM/Snow offers her the spare room in her apartment, but Emma declines saying she's a loner.  The next day MM/Snow has her class volunteering at the hospital, where Henry comes across the John Doe coma patient from episodes-past, who looks like Prince Charming.  He badgers MM/Snow about whether she knows him but she doesn't, except for bringing him the occasional flower boquet and ushers him from the room. 

So, is it just me or is it totally against NATURE that he is a Grandpa???

   Of course Boy Genius recognizes the so-called resemblance and tells Emma that her Father is the hospital's John Doe.  Henry wants to tell MM/Snow so she'll read their story to him and wake him up.  Emma actually agrees to do it, but says they're doing it the way she wants to.  MM/Snow isn't so sure about the whole plan, but Emma tells her it's only to prove Henry wrong about his obsession with Fairy Tales being real.  MM/Snow agrees to read to JD cause she wants to let Henry down gently.  MM/Snow is in the room readint the story to JD.  His hand reaches up and grabs onto hers!!!  She runs to get her sleazeball Doctor date from the previous night but he denies that there was any sort of change.  He gives her the third degree about what she was doing and then tries to tell her she imagined/dreamed the entire thing.  Of course he calls EM first thing after she leaves for home!  He reports that a volunteer said JD grabbed her, plus there WAS fluctuation in brain activity.  He really is a sleazeball y'all.  This gives her a frowny face cause it probably interferes with her revenge plan.  MM/Snow is curling up to read the story at home, which takes us into FT world once more.  Snow White is about ready to hit the road from her tree home once and for all, when she springs a trap set by The Prince!  He comes over and says basically 'I told you so.'  She sarcastically calls him Prince Charming and refuses to learn his real name.  In other words, she is AWESOME.

Her daughter definitely needs to take notes on the correct way to convey emotion by facial expressions!!!

  
   Turns out the wedding ring of Prince C's Mother was in the pouch and he wants it back.  Snow gives him the runaround until he threatens to turn her into the Queen, flashing a nice close-up of her Wanted poster for the audience.  She reluctantly agrees for her own best interest.  MM/Snow tells Emma and Henry about what happened in the hospital, which has apparently turned her into a bit of a believer.  They rush to the hospital where Sheriff Graham is investigating the disappearance of none other than John Doe!  EM is there and gets after Henry for lying about where he was.  Doctor Sleaze says that JD has to be found cause could be in danger - so of course EM (Regina) orders Graham to find him.  G and Emma are looking at security tapes,  which show John Doe leaving out the side door into the woods.  Meanwhile, Snow White is taking PC through the forest.  He takes away her shiny necklace which is apparently evil fairy dust that will shrink enemies so you can squash them.  Snow refutes the charges against her from the Queen, but does admit to 'ruining her life.'  Apparently Snow was stealing from the Queen so she could escape to somewhere safe.  She wants to stop for a drink, which enables her to make a break for it.  Snow hits him over the head into the water and runs, only to be stopped by EQ's guards ready to cut out her heart!!!

He looks like a demented, life-size Christmas Tree Ornament!

  
   MM/Snow, Emma and Hot Sherrif are tracking the missing patient through the forest and having some petty bickering.  Than Henry shows up and claims to know where JD is: looking for MM/Snow.  Back in FT world Creepy Ornament Guy and his brethren are killed by the Prince who saves the day AND the damsel.  She is shocked he came back, but apparently it was the noble thing to do.  *Swooning*  He reminds her about the ring and Snow admits she sold it to Trolls nearby.  They head off in that direction.....the direction of DANGER.   Henry, Emma, MM/Snow and the Sheriff are still looking for JD in the woods.  Henry says he's looking for MM/Snow cause she woke him up and he loves her.  Graham finds JD's BLOODY WRISTBAND.  OMG.  Snow White and the Prince find the Trolls they were looking for, who look very much like I've always imagined Trolls would.  They are suspicious and attack when they figure out he's royal and she has a bounty on her head.  Snow escapes but they almost get the Prince.  She goes back and uses the evil fairy dust to save him.  Dead Momma's ring is saved.  Cause it was the noble thing to do.  Awwwwww!  Charming says his name is James, she says it's nice to meet him.  MM/Snow FINALLY finds JD on the bank of the stream and gives him some serious CPR, begging him to come back.  His first coherent words are "You saved me.  Thank you."  Turns out he doesn't know who he is either.  While getting checked out in the hospital, the snotty blonde from FT world shows up calling JD 'David.'  EM tells a dejected MM/Snow that it's his wife!!!

What's wrong with this picture?  I'll give you a hint: it's surrounded by blonde hair and in the middle...

Snow and James are saying goodbye and both of them are dragging it out, talking about the ring.  Snow even tries it on and they have a moment when it fits perfectly.  Finally, he says goodbye.  She answers, calling him Charming again.  He tries to correct her, but she says she likes the nicknames better and turns to leave.  He stares at her then goes.  She turns back, stares at him and then Snow rides off.  Evil Mayor tells the unbelieveing spectators that JD is David Nolan.  His "wife" tells them that years ago when they were arguing, she told David he could just leave.  Emma is sceptical but wifey says that she assumed he left town.  Doc Sleaze says its a miracle JD is awake and there's no explanation.  Henry consoles MM/Snow, saying that JD was headed to the Troll Bridge to find her.  She tries to shrug it off, but Henry insists that they're meant to be together.  Emma confronts EM over the fishy timing of finding the "wife" after being JD's only medical contact for years.  EM gives some B.S. story about JD saying "Kathryn" in his sleep on the security tapes.  EM rubs it in Emma's face some more that she has Henry and Emma doesn't.  Kathryn is octopusing all over JD while he stares longingly at MM/Snow. 

It really is a pretty classy piece of jewelry.

The lady in question is twirling Prince Charming's ring on her finger from FT world!!! Later on Emma takes up MM/Snow on her offer of a room.  They share a smile and bond with their eyes.  Thus is the end of our tale for this episode.  Next week it seems, is about Cinderella making a deal for her firstborn with Rumpy so she can be rich.  And it seems like he may be collecting in Storybrooke world!!!  Until the upcoming fourth episode, welcome to Storybrooke, land of weird y'all!

"Once Upon A Time" Episode 2 - The Thing You Love The Most

   So, I'm a week late posting this recap for Episode 2 of "Once Upon A Time" because life got in the way as usual.  In other words, the only day I wasn't scheduled to work last week was Monday, when I'm at college from 9am to 9:30pm.  I don't have a middle class anymore though, so I figured that I would knock it out right now while I could. 

Recap:

The first thing that we see is the miracle of the clock.  Of course they have to show MM/Snow's reaction, Emma's, Jiminy Shrink's, Ruby/Red's, and Henry's.  Then it shows Evil Mayor looking at the book of fairy tales, disgustedly at her picture.  She then goes to Henry and they get into an arguement about whether or not she's the Evil Queen.  Henry tells her that the clock has started and she sports a frowny face.  Going outside for a closer look, Jiminy Shrink tells her how great it is the clock has restarted.  Of course, she says looking like she wants to pull a rifle on that disobedient timepiece.  Evil Mayor goes to the B&B to threaten Emma some more and try to coerce her to leave town.  E is totally badass and refuses to bend.  Then we flash back to the FT world, and get a recap of the Evil Queen's threat to the Prince and Snow.  Only this time we get to see what happens afterward, when she poofs out of that Mother.  She's talking to some really old butler guy who is asking her why this is necessary.  Robo-Queen says Snow must pay, it's as simple as that.  Creepy magic mirror talks to her some and she decides to go get back some horrible curse she gave away, because she desperately needs it to follow through with the threat.  Turns out the friend she gave it to is none other than Maleficent!!!

Apparently you can spot evil every time - just look for some serious hair don'ts!

They bitch about their respective annoyances - i.e. Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and then EQ asks for the curse back.  Maleficent says no and they have a seriously bad-ass magic fight.  She asks EQ why she needs it and tells her she really shouldn't use it cause it's serious magic with consequences and a void will be left in her soul.  EQ takes it from her anyways just cause she can.  Next thing you know its the Congress of Evil and she's promising evil FT characters that they can get everything they ever wanted if they'll help her with the ritual.  She then threatens bodily harm to coerce them into it for sure.  Something that looks like a ginormous dust cloud blows up after she sacrifices her childhood pony's heart.  Turns out it didn't work.  Sucks to be Evil Queen.  One of the little dwarves laughs in her face and boo-yah!  Turned to stone and is now a garden gnome in Evil Mayor's garden!!!  EM is picking apples and newspaper guy comes to her and says that there wasn't much worth finding on Emma - at least not enough to destroy her.  If he wants to keep his job at "The Mirror" he'll do better.  Emma is at the diner and has conversation with hot Sheriff about what Mayor is up to.  Henry is there in another booth.  She walks him to school and they talk about a plan of attack.  Emma starts to eat an apple EM gave her but Henry freaks out.  He gives her the last pages from the book that talk about Emma and tells her that he needs her to keep them from EM so she doesn't find out who Emma is. 

Father/Daughter portrait - how sweet! :)

MM/Snow and Emma have a conversation about why she decided to stay for Henry.  Turns out Emma thinks he's a little off his nut. MM/Snow warns Emma not to destroy Henry's imagination/coping mechanism with her skepticism.  Emma gets that broody frowny face that it genetic.  She decides to go see Jiminy Shrink to find out more about Henry.  JS gives her Henry's file and then when she leaves he calls Evil Mayor!!!  Turns out it was a set-up and EM blackmailed him into it.  Now she's going to make him lie to Sheriff Hottie and get Emma arrested for burglary!!!  And just that happens!  EM goes to gleefully tell Henry that Emma was arrested and how disturbed she is.  MM/Snow asks if it's important cause they're in the middle of a lesson.  EM totally shuts her down.  Henry tells EM that he knows it's her fault and he doesn't believe her.  That is either one very shrewd or very deranged child peeps!  Mugshot time!!!  Is it just me or does this seem to last forever?  Sheriff Hottie totally just wants extra pictures for later.  Henry shows up with MM/Snow who bails out Emma!!!  I love MM/Snow, she's just such an awesome person.  Of course the next natural segue is for Emma to be chopping off part of the Mayor's beloved apple tree.

That's how a bitch gets even - minus the stupid expression.

EM and Emma trade verbal threats some more, with Emma threatening to cut down the rest of the tree if she comes after her again.  Then she walks off cause she is just that awesome.  Meanwhile, Evil Queen is bitching to Old Butler Dude that the curse didn't work.  He yet again tries to talk her out of it but she decides to go ask the person who gave her the curse in the first place what she did wrong.  That means a trip to the castle dungeon to see Rumpy!  EQ asks why the curse didn't work and Rumpy says that he'll tell her for a price.  That it's her fault, the curse is still good.  She agrees that in the new world he'll be rich and she'll give him whatever he wants as long as he says 'please.'  Of course, this is extremely dumb of her but she thinks he won't remember.  Bish please!  He tells her that her sacrifice was insulting and that she has to kill the thing she loves the most to enact the curse.  Also, he lets slip how upset and worried Snow and the Prince are about her curse; that their baby is the only thing that can stop her. Rumpy also warns her of the void it will leave inside of her.  EQ is willing because she is desperate to make Snow pay.  Emma returns to Granny's B&B only to be evicted.  Of course the EM is behind it.  She can't keep Emma in jail so she'll try to get rid of her other ways.  Hottie Sheriff comes to see EM who is trying to do damage control in her garden.  She wants him to arrest Emma, but he tells her that even though he will, to think of what her constant attacks will do to Henry. 

How is she not tapping that???

Emma is walking down the street, when EM calls her and pretends to be trying to make peace.  Emma finds her car looking like it's gonna be towed.  She agrees to meet EM at her office to talk about Henry.  They talk about the therapy and Emma reveals that she thinks it's seriously unhealthy that Henry thinks everyone's from a fairy tale.  She even uses the word 'crazy' and of course Henry overhears because he comes to EM's office every day at that time.  Just another form of sabotage.  You are not taking my son that easily, Blondie!  Evil Queen is having yet another gabfest with Old Guy Butler.  OMG!  It's her Father!  He's what is most important to her and therefore what she'd have to sacrifice.  Daddy tells her that she just needs to let it go, that she can be happy again if she gives up the power and revenge.  She looks like she might actually be considering starting over with Daddy.  But then she gives him a big sad-eyed hug and stabs him in the gut!!! 

Patricide, the surest way to cut all family ties AND make someone look like a bug-eyed fish, all at the same time!

Emma goes to see MM/Snow and it seems like she might just split and run cause of the problem with Henry.  Turns out that her, Emma and Henry all drink cocoa with cinnamon!  They must be related y'all!  NOT!  That is such a dumb set-up for biological similarity!  MM/Snow convinces Emma to stay and fight to make Henry's life better, to look out for him.  The deep discussion makes them all happyfaced.  Henry is with Jiminy Shrink yet again and looks all dejected and completely crushed.  Emma shows up asking for a second chance.  Turns out it was supposedly all a plot to stop EM from suspecting that they know the truth!!!  Just to make sure the EM doesn't get the pages Emma burns them!  And she promises to stay to help Henry.  They have a touching Mother/Son moment. 

This is the only picture without evidence of Emma's inability to have a normal facial expression!

Evil Congress meets again minus the stone dwarf.  Second time is a charm and the curse is set in motion!  Wow, that thing would give a person some serious asthma!  EQ visits her Daddy's grave and it turns out his name was Henry!!!  So there is our confirmation that she definitely remembers everything!  Mr. Gold comes to see EM.  She wants him to get rid of Emma for her.  She is gloating about having separated Henry from her.  Oh snap, Goldy just saw them walking down the street!  Turns out Goldy owns lots of shiny stuff.  EM threatens said shiny stuff.  He tells her to move out of his way and let him leave.  She refuses but then he gleefully says 'please' and she does so against her will with a gobsmacked expression.  I guess EM isn't the only one who remembers everything!!!  A lot of serious stuff went down in the third episode, which has Prince and Snow's origin story and some badass stuff involving John Doe/Prince waking up because of MM/Snow.  I will have a full report up for y'all within the next few days.  Until then, welcome to Storybrooke!

"Once Upon A Time" Episode 1 - Pilot

   So, this show started the other day...and incase you haven't already guessed, it's called "Once Upon A Time."  It airs on Channel 7 (ABC) on Sundays at 8pm.  Well, it was the Pilot episode last night and some serious shizz went down!  So grab on tight and buckle in people, it's gonna be a bumpy one!

Recap:

So, the first thing we get is these words rolling across the screen: Once upon a time...There was an enchanted forest filled with all of the characters we know and love.  Or think we know.  One day they found themselves trapped in a place where all their happy endings were stolen.  Our World.  This is how it happened...

Then we see a really hot guy riding a horse maniacally along a beautiful shoreline, trying to get somewhere in a rush.  Probably to a girl or a manicure, cause you know what they say.  All the hot ones are taken or gay.  Plus guys, this is some serious Lord of the Rings, New Zealandy type scenery.  They have a GREAT location for some enchantment.  Back to horse guy, looks like I was right.  It was Prince Charming, who is now standing next to a glass coffin holding guess-who?  Mother-effing Snow White!  And that has to be the best rendition of the glass coffin I've ever seen in a movie or t.v. show!

Am I the only one who wishes guys this hot got cast more often on cool shows like this?

Of course the seven dwarves are all around going "You're too late.  She's gone."  Bish pleaze!  As if, haven't they ever heard of CPR?  Or y'know, the healing power of hotness.  Cause how else do you explain it?  Maybe his hair is magical... So he leans over and kisses Snow White, who then gasps awake.  Her: "You found me."  Him: "You thought I wouldn't?" Her: "Truthfully? The glass coffin gave me pause."  ME:  "EPIC!"  They stand their gazing meaningfully and suddenly they're magically transported to the middle of a wedding ceremony (y'know, like how you just do that sometimes?).  The lovey dovey quotient reaches great heights and all of the sudden who shows up but the Evil Queen!  She blows guards out of her way with the power of her stupid looking headdress and everyone's all "Run! Save yourself"  Snow being a total badass draws her husband's saber and tells her she's going down.  But it turns out Prince Charming is a pansy who won't 'stoop to her level' or some psychobabble like that, and Evil Momma gets the last word which happens to be a curse.  A plague on both your houses!!!!!  Nope, just nah-nah, nah-nah, I'm gonna steal your happy endings cause that'll make ME happy.  And misery loves company.  The she poofs outta that chapel like nobody's business.  After p.c. Prince Pansy throws a dagger at her!  Good on you, maybe you're not a pansy after all!  Then they become illustrations in a book of fairy tales that a little boy on a bus headed to Boston is reading.  Hmmmmm.......

He gets off the bus and hails a cab, with a credit card.  Damn to be ten years old again if it meant that I'd have a unexplained credit card!  Then we are in a restaurant when a hot blond walks in presumably on a date.  Then she tells the guy that its her birthday and he shouldn't have jumped bail on his wife or been a sleazeball enough to go on what he thought was a date.  She is badass and turns the tables on him, leaving him for the cops I would suppose.  She goes home to be alone and make a birthday wish on a one-candle cupcake.  The knock on her door turns out to be the bus boy!  His name is Henry and he's THE SON SHE GAVE UP TEN YEARS AGO!  HOLY SHIZZ! 

She says that she doesn't believe him.  Henry threatens to call the cops and say she kidnapped him, but Emma calls his bluff and says she can ALWAYS tell when someone is lying.  He wants her to come home with him, so Emma agrees to take him home.  Then, all of a sudden we're in fairy tale land again.  Snow White is very obviously pregnant and she is arguing with Prince Charming about the Evil Queen.  He says to let it go, but she just can't. 

Even with sleepless nights she's pretty.  That just ain't fair!

The Prince caves in to Snow and agrees to go to the dungeons to talk to HIM.  Rumplestiltskin himself who can evidently see the future.  She just wants to know the baby is going to be okay.  We're back to Emma and Henry.  She asks about the book and he hesitates.  But then he tells her that the fairy tales in the book are all true.  Henry tells her she's in the book and that she's going to fix all of his problems.  Back to PC and Snow, who are on their way into the dungeon disguised.  Rumpy sees through it right away and calls them out.  He is curious about what they want from him.  Rumpy wants the name of the baby in exchange for what he knows.  Snow agrees and he tells them that the Queen's threat will come to pass and there's nothing they can do to stop it, they'll be trapped someplace time will stop and they'll suffer for all eternity.  But the baby is everyone's only hope.   Rumpy says to get the baby to safety and that in 28 years she'll come back to find them and the final battle will begin.  They start to leave and he yells for 'her' name, Snow gives it to him.  She says that it's Emma.  Now we're getting to the good stuff!

One ugly mothercusser for certain sure!

Back to Emma and Henry, they get out of the car.  Henry's shrink happens along and reveals that he is the Mayor's son and tells Emma where his house is.  He tells Henry not to lie.  Henry tells Emma after the shrink leaves that nobody remembers that they were fairy tale characters and that guy was Jiminy Cricket.  Then we see that the F.T.s are having a conference.  PC wants to fight (surprise, surprise).  The blue fairy shows up with a magic tree.  Apparently if they make it into a 'vessel' it can save the baby.  But it can only save one person from the curse.  Henry and Emma are walking towards a really big-ass house.  Henry says not to give him back to his Mother because she's evil.  The door opens and the 'evil' mother walks out.  Seems like she was really worried.  Emma exchanges plesantries and has drinks with Evil Mayor; then she leaves.  She is driving along, la, la, la, la, la, with Henry's book that he left in the car on purpose, when she all of the sudden has to swerve to avoid a wolf in the middle of the road and crashes!!!  Gepetto and Pinocchio are building the cabinet from magic tree back in FT world.  Snow and the Prince are standing around talking about how she doesn't want to leave him to go into the magic cabinet.  This turns out to be a moot point because Snow goes into labor!  And the curse is headed for the castle!!!!!  Emma wakes up in a jail cell.  Turns out when the Sheriff found her unconcious in the crashed car, he figured she was drunk.  She's trying to talk him into letting her out when Evil Mayor shows up.  What is Emma still doing there?  Turns out Henry ran away again.  Emma offers to track him down if they let her out.  She goes through his computer and they find out that Henry used his teacher Mary Margaret's credit card on whosyourmomma.org to find Emma. 

She looks evil with that stupid expression.  And what's with the ugly clothes?

Evil Mayor and Emma go to see Teacher MM.  Turns out she looks suspiciously like Snow White.  Also, Henry stole her credit card, which she finds out when EM gets on her like the fury of Hell.  Snow/MM tells Emma and the Evil Mayor that she gave Henry the book of fairy tales!  Because he's smart. but LONELY.  Ooohhh, BURN Evil Mayor!  Then EM storms out, nastily telling Emma to have a nice trip to Boston.  They talk , Snow/MM telling her that stories help because they give us a way to deal with the world.  She kind of says that Henry is struggling with why he was given away.  The book was to give him hope.  Snow/MM tells Emma to check his 'castle.'  Meanwhile, Snow White in FT world is having the baby while Evil Queen rides toward the castle.  The baby is born, Snow tells PC to take the baby to the wardrobe and put her into it.  They say goodbye, then PC fights his way through guards and puts his daughter in the cabinet.  He is seemingly mortally wounded.  The guard breaks open the cabinet, but baby Emma is gone!  Back in Storybrooke Emma finds Henry at his castle and gives him the book back.

You can kind of see the resemblance in the broody expressions...

She tells him that none of the book stuff is real and he needs to stop.  Henry tells her that he knows she only gave him away to give him his best chance.  It's apparently the same reason Snow White gave her away!  She tells him she's not in a book and is NOT the savior.  Emma says she has to give him back.  Henry asks her to stay for just a week, and tells her his life sucks.  Emma reveals she was left by the side of the highway and grew up in foster homes.  She says that his Mom is trying her best.  Henry tells her when she went into the wardrobe she came out into the street.  Snow drags herself downstairs and finds what appears to be PC's corpse.  The EQ shows up to gloat about stealing their happy endings, but gets mad when she finds out the baby escaped.  Snow tells EQ that she's going to lose and good will always win.

Good will always win as long as evil wears a bird nest on its head.

The curse breaks through the palace and sweeps them all away.  Snow: "Where are we going?"  EQ: "Somewhere horrible!  Absolutely horrible, a place where the only happy ending will be mine."  I'll definitely agree with that.  I mean, here or FT world?  Which is better in YOUR opinion?  Emma takes Henry home once AGAIN.  Only this time she admits that she's kind of grateful that he showed up on her birthday so she didn't have to be alone.  Evil Mayor goes psycho and bitches Emma out, telling her that the closed adoption stands and Henry is her son.  That she will destroy Emma unless she gets in her car and leaves.  Emma asks her if she loves Henry.  Evil Mayor, is all 'Excuse me?'  Then, of course she loves him.  She goes in the house with the book, all panicked.

Remind you of anything?  Anything at all?

Snow/MM is volunteering at the hospital and she takes flowers in to a comatose man who looks suspiciously like PC.  Holy crap.  Then we see Henry watching the clock in town square that doesn't tell time and is still frozen.  Emma drives to the bed and breakfast run by what looks to be Granny and Little Red Riding Hood!  Granny hilariously bitches out Red for being such a slut.  Then Emma tells them she would like to rent a room for the week.  Guess Evil Mayor set off Emma's famous lie detector.  Hmmmmm.....wonder why?  A man come in asking for money Granny owes.  Turns out he owns the entire town.  His name is Mr. Gold and he kind of looks surprised when he hears Emma's name.  Could it be because he's really Rumpy?  Maybe.  Henry is still watching the clock.  Well, it pays off because the clock is no longer frozen!!!  And that is the end of this episode, so welcome to Storybrooke town of weird y'all. 

What do you think about the show so far?  Will Henry get to go back with Emma?  Will the Evil Mayor destroy Emma's life like she promised?  Will everyone begin to remember who they are?  Does Rumpy know who he is already and if so, did he have a deal with the Evil Queen?  Maybe we'll find out on the next episode.  I know I'll be watching with some ice cream and anticipation!