Bite-Sized Review: K is For Knifeball, A Contact Sport You'd Do Well to Avoid...

Published:  September 26th, 2012

K is for Knifeball: An Alphabet of Terrible Advice

By: Avery Monsen & Jory John

Chronicle Books

ISBN-13:  9781452103310

Adorable illustrated characters lead readers down a path of poor decision-making, and alphabetical, rhyming couplets offer terrible life lessons in which O is for opening things with your teeth, F is for setting Daddy's wallet on fire, and R is for Racoon ( but definitely not for rabies).  With plenty of playfully disastrous choices lurking around every corner, this compendium of black humor may be terrible for actual children, but it's perfect for the common-senseless child in all adults.

Review

       What is with this trend of humorous books, that are "made" for children (but not really)?  The authors of this book also wrote one called "All My Friends Are Dead."  I kept having their other book recommended to me and was told constantly how funny it was - so, I figured I'd give this one a shot.  After all, any book titled "K is for Knifeball," must be read and enjoyed with all the funniness the aforesaid title entails.  Except for the fact that while, yes, this book made me smile a little bit, it actually wasn't something that I found hee-haw-larious like I expected.  My expectations were probably WAY too high to be met in any realistic way, especially after all the recommendations.  Really though, the best ones are already given away in the synopsis on the back of the book.  Which, with the whole alphabet covered (kind of, they cheated with a couple letters in my opinion) you'd think there'd be plenty of room for funny stuff.  But they seemed more intent on going for the cheap laughs.  It might be black humor, but it was by no means SMART humor.  And to me, that was it's biggest failing.  What I personally want is the "Adventures of Knifeball."  But you know what they say about not having everything in life.

VERDICT:  2/5 Stars

*No money or favors were exchanged for this review.  This book is now available in stores, online, or maybe even at your local library.*

Rising From the Depths Below

Expected Publication:  January 16th, 2015
Hellhole
By: Gina Damico
HMH Books for Young Readers
ISBN-13:  9780544307100

A devil is a bad influence...

There was a time when geeky, squeaky-clean Max Kilgore would never lie or steal or even think about murder.

Then he accidentally unearths a devil, and Max's choices are no longer his own.  The big red guy has a penchant for couch-surfing and junk food -- and you should never underestimate evil on a sugar high.  With the help of Lore, a former goth girl who knows a thing or two about the dark side, Max is racing against the clock to get rid of the houseguest from hell before time -- and all the Flamin' Hot Cheetos this side of the fiery abyss -- run out.

Review

     Dark humor is something I tend to enjoy as a reader, and Gina Damico's sense of humor tends to run that vein.  I enjoyed her first novel, Croak, and was disappointed not to enjoy the two subsequent sequels nearly as much.  But this was supposed to be a stand-alone novel, so my grabby hands and my sense of faith both made an appearance!  I have somewhat mixed feelings on this book though.  I enjoyed it overall, but wasn't in love with it by the end.  It's definitely not a re-read for me personally.  This is a story about Max Kilgore, a shy, skinny geek kid obsessed with dinosaurs (paleontology).  The only things that he has in life besides his job at the convenience store, paleontology club, and videos games is his best friend Audie - and his Mom, who is in desperate need of a new heart and unable to help with anything.  Max is barely able to keep them afloat and the bills are coming due.  Then he does something stupid, and steals an ugly cat knick-knack from work.  A devil named Burg is summoned and shoves his way into every aspect of Max's life, making it worse and worse.  With the help of a (possible) demon worshipping girl named Lore, can they send Burg back to Hell before anyone gets hurt?

     What to say about Max?  He's barely coherent around other human beings, can't tell a lie to save his life and has a tendency to ramble.  Except for the one petty theft, he's basically a good person.  He just has no filter and needs some socialization - and more friends than just Audie.  Lore seems pretty stand-offish and downright bitchy at first, but as I got to know her better I liked her.  The trailer-trash parents who didn't care, unlikely job at a craft store, and her own checkered past made her the perfect accomplice for Max in getting rid of his devil infestation.  Then there's Burg (a.k.a. Burgandy Cluttermuck), one of many devils, and a complete asshole.  He loves video games, junk food of any kind and reality television.  He wants Max to acquire him a house and refuses to leave till then.  My favorite parts involved him turning into a Llyod Dobler look-alike so he could romance Max's mom and the scene where he gets Max drunk, with a running commentary on a fashion t.v. show!  It got slightly off-focus and confused for awhile in terms of plot, but wrapped up nicely near the end.  I just really hope this stays a single novel.  I recommend it to anyone who enjoys some humor, pop culture references and fluffy reading.

VERDICT:  3/5  Stars

**I received this book as part of Around the World ARC Tours, run by the lovely Princess Bookie.  No favors or money were exchanged for this review.  This book's expected publication date is January 16th, 2015.**

Go Home Book, You're Drunk!

 

Expected Publication:  October 15th, 2013

Naked Sushi

By: Jina Bacarr

Cosmo Red Hot Reads from Harlequin

ISBN-13:  9781459254817

 

From Jina Bacarr comes a sexy and provocative new release from Cosmo Red-Hot Reads from Harlequin.

One day I'm getting canned from my job as a computer programmer for having wild copy-room sex with a guy I thought was the new game designer. The next, I'm crashing my ex-boss's business lunch in a creative attempt to get my job back and men are eating sushi off my naked body!
That's when I realize:

a) My ex-boss is a hiding corporate secrets

b) Hot copy-room guy is an undercover FBI agent

c) I would make a kick-ass spy!

Then Special Agent Hottie brings out his cuffs, and things get really interesting…

 

Review

 

     Pepper is a very geeky girl, working in a job that can bore her to tears on some days.  So when she comes across the hot guy in the copy room, late at night, making copies of her boss' classified documents she can't help herself.  They get caught having sex in the copy room and Pepper loses her job.  Determined to get it back, she goes undercover as a naked sushi model for her boss' business meeting.  And the hot guy from the copy room just happens to be one of the guys at the meeting!  Turns out he's an FBI agent undercover, who is trying to expose her now ex-boss for less than savory business practices.  She decides to help him, in the hopes of resuscitating her failed ambitions to work for a government agency that she thought were long since dead.  Can they keep their hands off each other long enough to catch the crook?  Will they find something more than just hot sex in the person they least expected to connect with?

     This is going to be a short review because I have very clear and concise opinions on this book.  I kind of think it was pretty horrible.  I like it when a book knows what it is and where it's going.  This one tried a little too hard, never deciding between erotica or a plot.  It tried to have both, but couldn't really manage it all that well.  Pepper starts out kind of likeable.  That goes out the window immediately after she and the random guy have sex.  She gets fired and really thinks she can get her job back and seems almost surprised she lost it in the first place.  Okay, whatever.  She also goes from freaky-smart, super geeky girl to giggly, sex-obsessed and empty-headed fluff ball.  And we're supposed to believe that she has a shot at being employed by the FBI.  Also, FBI-guy is a serious douchebag about his encounter with Pepper.  He has to be the least stealthy, least covert undercover FBI agent ever. 

     The whole Naked Sushi thing barely takes up any of the plot at all and really is just a minor event.  The sex was boring and almost straight-up, porn type sex with nothing that interesting or great about it.  Overall, this was a (thankfully) short, time-wasting read.  But I wouldn't recommend it to anyone and I definitely won't be reading it again.  A true disappointment.  It only gets as much credit in the ratings as it does, because I was able to finish it and it didn't drag unnecessarily.  It needs to go home, sober up and get some more depth to its characters.  Then we'll go on another date!

 



VERDICT:  1.5/5  Stars

 

*I received an Advanced Reading E-book Copy from the publisher, via NetGalley.  No money or favors were exchanged for this review.  This book's expected publication is October 15th, 2013.*

Teen Movie Review #1: Valley Girl (1983)

     Hey guys!  Since it's Friday and i feel like I haven't been updating this blog nearly enough, I decided to throw in a movie review.  I still haven't watched Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters or Jack The Giant Slayer (even though both are sitting on my shelf waiting).  So I'm going back to a favorite of mine, which is what we YA nerds like to call a 'teen' movie! :)  I'm coming up with the criteria for this review kind of on the fly so please bear with me!  Plus it's really early in the morning and almost bedtime for me.  Cause as my friends and family will tell you, I stay up about three or four hours past everyone else's normal bedtimes.  Without Further adieu, here is one of the five (maybe six) Nic Cage movies I can stand at all: Valley Girl.

Title: Valley Girl (1983)

Availability:  DVD, YouTube, Netflix

Reason:  To See Yet Another Star-Crossed Couple Find Love (Old Friends or New Ones)

The Low Down According to IMDB:  

Julie, a girl from the Valley, meets Randy, a punk from the city.  They are from different worlds and find love.  Somehow they need to stay together in spite of her trendy, shallow friends.

My Take On Things: 

Randy and Julie are two teens from different worlds - or at least their zip codes make it seem like that's how it is.  But when they meet its instant attraction.  Can they overcome her snobby friends and expectations of how things are 'supposed to be' or are they doomed from the start?  Also, Julie's hippie parents and douchebag, wannabe ex-boyfriend provide some serious entertainment value along the way.  Plus there is a skeevy subplot about one of Julie's friends, Suzi, competing for the romantic attentions of her friend Skip with her young stepmother.  All in all, about what you'd expect from an 80's film - especially one mostly cribbed off of Romeo and Juliet! 

The Cast:

Nicolas Cage as Randy

This has the distinction of being the only movie in which I ever though Nic Cage was hot.  The chemistry between him and Deborah Foreman is OFF THE CHARTS.  He makes a very convincing punk and yet has an underlying sweetness that lets you know he's just a big ball of fluff inside - even with the leather and crazy hair.  Plus, bonus is that he has hair in this - with no signs of balding.  Ahhh, for the days of youth! :)

Deborah Foreman as Julie

I don't know what happened to her acting career over the years after this movie, but maybe staying out of the spotlight isn't such a bad thing if being in it means you make horrendous movies like some of the ones Cage has been in!  She has such a sweet spark in this movie and her smile is absolutely GORGEOUS.  Yes, the feathered hair is questionable and she does go to the prom with Tommy instead of Randy (which is seriously insane people!).  But Julie also happens to be a teenager and for her age she does a decent job of being true to herself and I wouldn't mind go shopping for an afternoon with her.  Plus, there is always the adorableness of this:

I REST MY CASE.

Michael Bowen as Tommy

His clothing alone and it's preppiness makes it obvious that he's a) A complete douchebag, and b) The enemy in every way.  He's no Hardy Jenns but he plays a good enough sleazebag that you want to punch him in the face.  Plus, apparently someone thinks he's a pretty good actor cause IMDB informs me that he was in Beverly Hills Cop III, seven episodes of LOST, some really random one episode parts on lots of TV shows, and most recently (and notably) was in an episode of Breaking Bad, along with a small role in Django Unchained.  

Elizabeth Daily as Loryn

The most gullible of Julie's friends and is known as the group slut.  Immediately falls into Tommy's web of bullshit after Julie dumps him and allows him to go almost all the way, only stopping short of the one last event.  Watching the movie you can't help but feel bad for her, cause it's obvious that all she wants is desperately to be liked.  The outfits are atrocious and the actions are worse, but the heart's in the right place.  And she went on to be Dottie in Pee Wee's Big Adventure.  After that it was all voice work, most famously Tommy on Rugrats and Buttercup on Powerpuff Girls.  I know, right? :)

Frederic Forrest as Steve Richman (Julie's Dad)

He is absolutely hilarious as one half of a hippie relationship, whose parenting style towards Julie is so out of touch with the times.  The health food store scene when she's 'working' is a really great example of this.  But he's just uncool because he's a Dad.  He still loves her though and is definitely one of the less cookie cutter teen movie parents in existence.  In the picture above he's supposed to be getting the camera for Prom pictures...he's smoking weed instead.  IT beats shining a shotgun I guess!

*I did not spotlight Julie's friend Stacy or Randy's friend Fred, mainly because Fred is somewhat of a clueless creep (even if he is somewhat funny) and Stacey spends all her screen time complaining (and not in a humorous way either).  Neither of them are very interesting characters in my opinion when up against the others in the movie.

Romance Rating Scale:  5/10 (Sweet, with an edge)

There is too much dithering and wishy washy behavior on Julie's behalf while trying to follow the pack for this to be truly swoonworthy.  There are a couple hot makeout sessions, but mostly its just beautiful smiles and angst (the best way to mirror R&J, anyways).

The Soundtrack:  

Not really sure how to grade this, other than on personal enjoyment.  Martha Coolidge definitely has an ear for music and the stuff that's played for Julie and her freinds fits them to a tee.  It's the same for when they're cruising Hollywood on Randy's side of things.  My favorite usage of a song in this though would be Modern English "I Melt With You" being played during the Julie/Randy montage and then the end credits.  It fits the spirit of the movie and the whirlwind, consuming romance that the two become involved in.  Also liked Josie Cotton's "Johnny Are You Queer?" and The Plimsouls "A Million Miles Away."  The whole soundtrack is killer though and deserves a listen.

Recommended Viewing:

If you're in the mood for a sweet romance, some smiles and tears involved, this would be the one for you.  With punk-boy Cage, a pint of your favorite ice cream and comfy pair of PJs this is great Saturday night viewing for a relaxed night in.

I've Got This On Lockdown

Published:  May 1st, 2012
In the Bag
By: Kate Klise
William Morrow Paperbacks
ISBN-13:  9780062108050

A European vacation. A luggage mix-up. A note from a secret admirer.

Meet two single parents who think they're too busy to date. 
And two teenagers who can't stop writing flirty emails. 
This is a tale of connections--missed and made--in a universe that seems to have its heart set on reuniting Ms. 6B and Mr. 13C.

Webb
I can't believe I picked up the wrong bag at the airport. My dad is never going to let me hear the end of it.

Coco
I don't understand why Mom told me to pack my worst underwear. And now I've lost my bag? Ack

Andrew
I cannot stop thinking about that woman in seat 6B on the flight to Paris.

Daisy
I don't have time to worry about the creep sitting in 13C who slipped a note in my purse. I have to find my daughter's missing bag before this ruins our vacation.

Review

     Daisy Sprinkle is going on a vacation to France with her daughter Coco, hoping that it will bring them closer together.  What happens instead is that she gets a weird not from a man on the plane, hitting on her and Coco picks up the wrong bag.  Also involved is single Dad, Andrew, whose son Webb is a mystery to him.  When they get to Madrid and figure out that Webb has the wrong luggage as well, eventually Coco and Webb get into contact.  As they begin scheming of ways to meet up with each other without telling the parents, an unsuspecting Daisy travels to Madrid to do a favor for a friend, working on the gallery opening Andrew is there for.  Sparks begin to fly, but when Daisy realizes that he is the man who left the unwelcome note in her bag all bets are off.  Especially when they catch Coco and Webb together, as they've been detained at the airport and mistaken for terrorists.  Can any of the four of them get past the disastrous events of the vacation and let their romantic feelings take control?  It was like reading a slightly old-style romantic comedy movie, in book format.  I liked the portrayal of Daisy's relationship with Coco.  I think a lot of Mothers and Daughters have trouble connecting, definitely when the daughter is in the teen years.  I know that I did with my Mom.  Webb and Andrew were interesting to read about, making me like them with their awkward romantic overtures.  My major complaint was how fast Coco went from wanting to kiss Webb, to believing that all he wanted was sex!  Really?  What a stereotype.  Not  to mention that as someone who was once a teen girl, we don't automatically assume that every guy wants sex from us, every moment of our interactions.  And she is very casual about whether or not she'll give him what he 'wants.'  I liked the screwball antics and found it to be an overall sweet and easy read.  Probably a good beach or airplane book, for readers looking for something light.  Most likely won't re-read it, but I'm not sorry about reading it a first time either.

VERDICT:  3/5  Stars

* *No money or favors were exchanged for this review. This book is now available in stores, online, or maybe even at your local library.*

Sparkly Horns Are A Girl's Best Friend

Published: September 13th, 2011
Drink, Slay, Love
By: Sarah Beth Durst
Margaret K. McElderry Books
ISBN-13: 978-1442423732


Pearl is a sixteen-year-old vampire . . . fond of blood, allergic to sunlight, and mostly evil . . . until the night a sparkly unicorn stabs her through the heart with his horn. Oops.
Her family thinks she was attacked by a vampire hunter (because, obviously, unicorns don’t exist), and they’re shocked she survived. They’re even more shocked when Pearl discovers she can now withstand the sun. But they quickly find a way to make use of her new talent. The Vampire King of New England has chosen Pearl’s family to host his feast. If Pearl enrolls in high school, she can make lots of human friends and lure them to the King’s feast—as the entrees.
The only problem? Pearl’s starting to feel the twinges of a conscience. How can she serve up her new friends—especially the cute guy who makes her fangs ache—to be slaughtered? Then again, she’s definitely dead if she lets down her family. What’s a sunlight-loving vamp to do?

Review

  

  So, Pearl is just like any other teenager.  But unlike other teenagers it takes her being staked through the heart with a unicorn horn to realize that.  And oh yeah, she's also a vampire.  But after the mythical incident (which is ironic because she's kind of mythical too).  Pearl soon finds out that she is now able to be out in the sunshine.  This leads to encounters with Evan and Bethany, two very interesting humans who become her sort-of friends.  Pearl has a hard time fitting in with her family anymore now that she's so different.  Her parents decide that in lieu of the King coming for a 'feast and tribute', Pearl will be the means of luring the meal.  Which means she'll need to navigate the vicious waters of high school and not get to close to the happy meals with legs.  This book was so funny.  I laughed and smiled my way through it.  But that in no way diminished the emotional turmoil that Pearl goes through as she grows up over the course of the book.  I loved watching her learn how to have fun, relax, and make friends.  Also, seeing Pearl learn what home and family REALLY are was beautiful.  Her romances with Evan (a special 'human') and Jadrien (another vampire) are great in their own ways and they each reflect how much she changes by the end of the book.  A truly fun book that I would definitely recommend and it was a great Halloween read!

VERDICT: 4/5  Stars

*No money was exchanged for this review.  This book is now available in stores and online.*