"Once Upon A Time" Episode 1 - Pilot

   So, this show started the other day...and incase you haven't already guessed, it's called "Once Upon A Time."  It airs on Channel 7 (ABC) on Sundays at 8pm.  Well, it was the Pilot episode last night and some serious shizz went down!  So grab on tight and buckle in people, it's gonna be a bumpy one!

Recap:

So, the first thing we get is these words rolling across the screen: Once upon a time...There was an enchanted forest filled with all of the characters we know and love.  Or think we know.  One day they found themselves trapped in a place where all their happy endings were stolen.  Our World.  This is how it happened...

Then we see a really hot guy riding a horse maniacally along a beautiful shoreline, trying to get somewhere in a rush.  Probably to a girl or a manicure, cause you know what they say.  All the hot ones are taken or gay.  Plus guys, this is some serious Lord of the Rings, New Zealandy type scenery.  They have a GREAT location for some enchantment.  Back to horse guy, looks like I was right.  It was Prince Charming, who is now standing next to a glass coffin holding guess-who?  Mother-effing Snow White!  And that has to be the best rendition of the glass coffin I've ever seen in a movie or t.v. show!

Am I the only one who wishes guys this hot got cast more often on cool shows like this?

Of course the seven dwarves are all around going "You're too late.  She's gone."  Bish pleaze!  As if, haven't they ever heard of CPR?  Or y'know, the healing power of hotness.  Cause how else do you explain it?  Maybe his hair is magical... So he leans over and kisses Snow White, who then gasps awake.  Her: "You found me."  Him: "You thought I wouldn't?" Her: "Truthfully? The glass coffin gave me pause."  ME:  "EPIC!"  They stand their gazing meaningfully and suddenly they're magically transported to the middle of a wedding ceremony (y'know, like how you just do that sometimes?).  The lovey dovey quotient reaches great heights and all of the sudden who shows up but the Evil Queen!  She blows guards out of her way with the power of her stupid looking headdress and everyone's all "Run! Save yourself"  Snow being a total badass draws her husband's saber and tells her she's going down.  But it turns out Prince Charming is a pansy who won't 'stoop to her level' or some psychobabble like that, and Evil Momma gets the last word which happens to be a curse.  A plague on both your houses!!!!!  Nope, just nah-nah, nah-nah, I'm gonna steal your happy endings cause that'll make ME happy.  And misery loves company.  The she poofs outta that chapel like nobody's business.  After p.c. Prince Pansy throws a dagger at her!  Good on you, maybe you're not a pansy after all!  Then they become illustrations in a book of fairy tales that a little boy on a bus headed to Boston is reading.  Hmmmmm.......

He gets off the bus and hails a cab, with a credit card.  Damn to be ten years old again if it meant that I'd have a unexplained credit card!  Then we are in a restaurant when a hot blond walks in presumably on a date.  Then she tells the guy that its her birthday and he shouldn't have jumped bail on his wife or been a sleazeball enough to go on what he thought was a date.  She is badass and turns the tables on him, leaving him for the cops I would suppose.  She goes home to be alone and make a birthday wish on a one-candle cupcake.  The knock on her door turns out to be the bus boy!  His name is Henry and he's THE SON SHE GAVE UP TEN YEARS AGO!  HOLY SHIZZ! 

She says that she doesn't believe him.  Henry threatens to call the cops and say she kidnapped him, but Emma calls his bluff and says she can ALWAYS tell when someone is lying.  He wants her to come home with him, so Emma agrees to take him home.  Then, all of a sudden we're in fairy tale land again.  Snow White is very obviously pregnant and she is arguing with Prince Charming about the Evil Queen.  He says to let it go, but she just can't. 

Even with sleepless nights she's pretty.  That just ain't fair!

The Prince caves in to Snow and agrees to go to the dungeons to talk to HIM.  Rumplestiltskin himself who can evidently see the future.  She just wants to know the baby is going to be okay.  We're back to Emma and Henry.  She asks about the book and he hesitates.  But then he tells her that the fairy tales in the book are all true.  Henry tells her she's in the book and that she's going to fix all of his problems.  Back to PC and Snow, who are on their way into the dungeon disguised.  Rumpy sees through it right away and calls them out.  He is curious about what they want from him.  Rumpy wants the name of the baby in exchange for what he knows.  Snow agrees and he tells them that the Queen's threat will come to pass and there's nothing they can do to stop it, they'll be trapped someplace time will stop and they'll suffer for all eternity.  But the baby is everyone's only hope.   Rumpy says to get the baby to safety and that in 28 years she'll come back to find them and the final battle will begin.  They start to leave and he yells for 'her' name, Snow gives it to him.  She says that it's Emma.  Now we're getting to the good stuff!

One ugly mothercusser for certain sure!

Back to Emma and Henry, they get out of the car.  Henry's shrink happens along and reveals that he is the Mayor's son and tells Emma where his house is.  He tells Henry not to lie.  Henry tells Emma after the shrink leaves that nobody remembers that they were fairy tale characters and that guy was Jiminy Cricket.  Then we see that the F.T.s are having a conference.  PC wants to fight (surprise, surprise).  The blue fairy shows up with a magic tree.  Apparently if they make it into a 'vessel' it can save the baby.  But it can only save one person from the curse.  Henry and Emma are walking towards a really big-ass house.  Henry says not to give him back to his Mother because she's evil.  The door opens and the 'evil' mother walks out.  Seems like she was really worried.  Emma exchanges plesantries and has drinks with Evil Mayor; then she leaves.  She is driving along, la, la, la, la, la, with Henry's book that he left in the car on purpose, when she all of the sudden has to swerve to avoid a wolf in the middle of the road and crashes!!!  Gepetto and Pinocchio are building the cabinet from magic tree back in FT world.  Snow and the Prince are standing around talking about how she doesn't want to leave him to go into the magic cabinet.  This turns out to be a moot point because Snow goes into labor!  And the curse is headed for the castle!!!!!  Emma wakes up in a jail cell.  Turns out when the Sheriff found her unconcious in the crashed car, he figured she was drunk.  She's trying to talk him into letting her out when Evil Mayor shows up.  What is Emma still doing there?  Turns out Henry ran away again.  Emma offers to track him down if they let her out.  She goes through his computer and they find out that Henry used his teacher Mary Margaret's credit card on whosyourmomma.org to find Emma. 

She looks evil with that stupid expression.  And what's with the ugly clothes?

Evil Mayor and Emma go to see Teacher MM.  Turns out she looks suspiciously like Snow White.  Also, Henry stole her credit card, which she finds out when EM gets on her like the fury of Hell.  Snow/MM tells Emma and the Evil Mayor that she gave Henry the book of fairy tales!  Because he's smart. but LONELY.  Ooohhh, BURN Evil Mayor!  Then EM storms out, nastily telling Emma to have a nice trip to Boston.  They talk , Snow/MM telling her that stories help because they give us a way to deal with the world.  She kind of says that Henry is struggling with why he was given away.  The book was to give him hope.  Snow/MM tells Emma to check his 'castle.'  Meanwhile, Snow White in FT world is having the baby while Evil Queen rides toward the castle.  The baby is born, Snow tells PC to take the baby to the wardrobe and put her into it.  They say goodbye, then PC fights his way through guards and puts his daughter in the cabinet.  He is seemingly mortally wounded.  The guard breaks open the cabinet, but baby Emma is gone!  Back in Storybrooke Emma finds Henry at his castle and gives him the book back.

You can kind of see the resemblance in the broody expressions...

She tells him that none of the book stuff is real and he needs to stop.  Henry tells her that he knows she only gave him away to give him his best chance.  It's apparently the same reason Snow White gave her away!  She tells him she's not in a book and is NOT the savior.  Emma says she has to give him back.  Henry asks her to stay for just a week, and tells her his life sucks.  Emma reveals she was left by the side of the highway and grew up in foster homes.  She says that his Mom is trying her best.  Henry tells her when she went into the wardrobe she came out into the street.  Snow drags herself downstairs and finds what appears to be PC's corpse.  The EQ shows up to gloat about stealing their happy endings, but gets mad when she finds out the baby escaped.  Snow tells EQ that she's going to lose and good will always win.

Good will always win as long as evil wears a bird nest on its head.

The curse breaks through the palace and sweeps them all away.  Snow: "Where are we going?"  EQ: "Somewhere horrible!  Absolutely horrible, a place where the only happy ending will be mine."  I'll definitely agree with that.  I mean, here or FT world?  Which is better in YOUR opinion?  Emma takes Henry home once AGAIN.  Only this time she admits that she's kind of grateful that he showed up on her birthday so she didn't have to be alone.  Evil Mayor goes psycho and bitches Emma out, telling her that the closed adoption stands and Henry is her son.  That she will destroy Emma unless she gets in her car and leaves.  Emma asks her if she loves Henry.  Evil Mayor, is all 'Excuse me?'  Then, of course she loves him.  She goes in the house with the book, all panicked.

Remind you of anything?  Anything at all?

Snow/MM is volunteering at the hospital and she takes flowers in to a comatose man who looks suspiciously like PC.  Holy crap.  Then we see Henry watching the clock in town square that doesn't tell time and is still frozen.  Emma drives to the bed and breakfast run by what looks to be Granny and Little Red Riding Hood!  Granny hilariously bitches out Red for being such a slut.  Then Emma tells them she would like to rent a room for the week.  Guess Evil Mayor set off Emma's famous lie detector.  Hmmmmm.....wonder why?  A man come in asking for money Granny owes.  Turns out he owns the entire town.  His name is Mr. Gold and he kind of looks surprised when he hears Emma's name.  Could it be because he's really Rumpy?  Maybe.  Henry is still watching the clock.  Well, it pays off because the clock is no longer frozen!!!  And that is the end of this episode, so welcome to Storybrooke town of weird y'all. 

What do you think about the show so far?  Will Henry get to go back with Emma?  Will the Evil Mayor destroy Emma's life like she promised?  Will everyone begin to remember who they are?  Does Rumpy know who he is already and if so, did he have a deal with the Evil Queen?  Maybe we'll find out on the next episode.  I know I'll be watching with some ice cream and anticipation!